Apparently you make a good broom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
