So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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