Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
