He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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