Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
