So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
