as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's never too late to be topless.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
