That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
