WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Panties = found
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
