My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
