We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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