I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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