Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
