Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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