What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
