i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
