Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
