Already got asked if we're dating
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
