Whod you bang
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
