Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So much rum. So many feels.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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