I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
