I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
