The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize