Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
