I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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