Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
