You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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