I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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