I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
