I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
