Four minutes until I can fart!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
