Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
