No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
