I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have fence marks all over my body
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
