pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
