booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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