My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
