their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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