I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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