Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
