ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
