Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
