Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
