It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
