Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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