let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
