Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
