Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
