I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
