Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
