He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
