you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
