Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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