I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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