I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Boobs are out for the taking
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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