I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
