I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
