And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
