Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
