please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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