Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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