please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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