I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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