No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
