How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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