I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
