Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
