We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize