Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My penis needs a shock collar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
